You know those contests they do (you know, “them.” They’re always doing stuff) on the radio—the ones where they play a “secret sound” and the first caller to guess it correctly wins? The sounds are always really obscure, and I’m always amazed when someone finally gets it.
“Is it the buzzin’ sound the big ol’ lights at the stadium make when they turn ‘em on?”
For real? How do you figure that one out? Because if I’m ever in a stadium when the lights come on, what I hear is the sound of a 10-year old boy going “bee-da-bee-da-bee-da-bee-da-laaaaaaaa-zzzzzzzzzz-laaaaaaa-bee-da–” and an adolescent girl telling her pre-adolescent brother to STOP MAKING RANDOM NOISES, and the sound of a 6 year old commenting on what everyone is wearing and why is it so hot and didn’t we bring any hot dogs because she just is NOT a sandwich person, and the sound of a toddler calling “down? down? down? down? walk? walk? down? down?” and the sound of a grown man who is able to pay oblivious attention to whatever it is that we paid to see. It’s people like him who know what the stadium lights sound like, I guess.
Why can’t it ever be a sound I’m familiar with? Like the sound of crunching metal that precedes the writing down of license place numbers and swapping of insurance information? I’d get that one. Or the high-pitched whine that says you’ve just vacuumed up something that shouldn’t ever be vacuumed up. Oh yeah, my hair kinda stood on end just typing that.
“Is it the sound a cat makes when a toddler drags it around the house by its neck?”
“I’m going to guess that’s the sound of a VHS cassette being smashed against a stained concrete floor.”
“It sounds to me like a container of Clorox wipes being vibrated off of the top of an unbalanced washing machine full of towels.”
“That would be the sound of a 10 year old boy quickly pushing the ‘pause’ button on the remote control and holding his breath so that his mom doesn’t find out he’s watching tv instead of doing his multiplication tables.”
If only they’d use one of those, I could win their little contest. Of course, with my luck the prize would be tickets for the whole family to attend an event in a stadium. I’ll try to listen for the lights….
Tags: adolescent girl, Clorox wipes, Narrator, radio contest, secret sound, Soundtrack, stadium lights, toddler
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